Wednesday May 30, 2012 - BY Stacey
Photo by mod as hell via CC
When you meet ?the one,? fall in love, and get married, your desire to have sex with anyone but your soulmate disappears, right?
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Wrong, at least according to this HuffPo article by Eric Anderson. In ?Is Cheating a Rational Choice?? he writes:
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Those entering into their first serious romantic/sexual relationship are misled into thinking that monogamy is capable of providing a lifetime of sexual fulfillment?But with?13 million?people in 22 countries looking to have a marital affair on?Ashley Madison.com?alone, it suggests that, for many, monogamy is more of a desire, than practice.
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Anderson goes onto say how for many couples, sex decreases in both frequency and quality as the relationship progresses. As a result, some people turn to cheating. He says:
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Cheating therefore exits as the only rational choice to have one?s emotional and sexual desires met in a culture that stigmatizes open relationships/marriages. Cheating serves as a way to meet sexual desires, with as little disruption to their emotional lives as possible. I don?t condone cheating, but I condemn the expectation of monogamy for setting up this conundrum in the first place.
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Anderson?s solution? Open relationships.
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The article received a staggeringly large response. Almost two thousand people wrote in and shared their opinions. And most of the commenters did not agree with Anderson?s assertions about monogamy, sexual desire, and cheating.
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I?m not at all surprised by the reaction. In my recent article for the Huffington Post, most people commented about the subject of ?flirting while married? in a very negative way and I wasn?t even suggesting a sexually open relationship. They feel that monogamy is what defines marriage as the institution that it is.
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Yet not one dictionary definition of marriage mentions monogamy. ?This is what Merriam Webster has to say about marriage : The state of being united to a person in a consensual and contractual relationship? recognized by law.
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Interestingly, the dictionary definition of monogamy is: 1. The practice of marrying only once during a lifetime. 2. The state or custom of being married to one person at a time.
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?Having sex with only your partner to the exclusion of all others? is not mentioned anywhere.?Hmm. Veddy interesting.
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In his article, Anderson argues that monogamy is not a natural state (especially for men); it only promotes cheating and lying , and the answer just might be ?open marriages?? for many.
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He is not condoning or promoting open marriage. He is merely stating that marriages can exist beautifully when there is open, honest communication between partners rather than deceit and philandering,
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It?s no secret that sexual desire for your mate starts to diminish as time goes on. It may resurface again, but as you get closer and time passes, you probably don?t lust for that person in the same way any more. And, if you are alive and sexual, you probably will lust for someone other than your partner somewhere down the road. You don?t have to act out on it, but let?s all be honest here?these things happen on a fairly regular basis.
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What is disturbing to me is that so many cannot even begin to discuss matters like this with their significant others. They would rather lead lives ?of quiet desperation? than use their creativity and personal freedoms to have the kind of relationship that might be long lasting, fulfilling and?gasp!?different than what others have.
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I have news for you folks?the Europeans are way ahead of us and think nothing of having ?an understanding? with their spouse.?I, myself , do not condone open marriage, but I can understand how it could work if both people in the marriage are in agreement. After all, that?s really what marriage is: an agreement.
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You don?t need to have an open marriage ? but you do need to have an open mind!
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